This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
