Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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