Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's blow job season.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
