i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
is wine microwaveable?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
