Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize