Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
