Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
