Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
