I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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