Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
