Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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