They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We don't watch enough power rangers
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.