i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.