Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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