wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
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I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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