holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
