I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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