hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
foreskin is a definite game changer
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
