since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
