why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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