You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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