you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We had to coat check the pizza.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
