My underwear smells like fireworks.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
