its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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