while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
