It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
