cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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