Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
babies were throwing up all over the place
my shit smells like andre
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I smell like Dick and happiness
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