Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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