Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
