You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
