dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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