Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So. Much. Porn.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
