how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
