I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize