I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
