Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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