a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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