its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
