And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
