hell yes lets make some ravioli
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
