when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
