I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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