you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
