How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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