fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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