do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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