Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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