he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
