Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
