Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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