i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
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So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
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She needs sedatives and a leash
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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