Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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