Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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