Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
