i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
