If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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