honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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