I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
