Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
