I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
