how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
