He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize