p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
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When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
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I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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