That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
