Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
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he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
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I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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