I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
